


my ghost (where'd you go?)

by ryneisaterriblefan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Cutting, Experimental Style, Hurt No Comfort, Self-Harm, Suicide, but im sure you can guess, i was feeling somber and it was raining ok, other vague ppl, why do i like torturing myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 15:05:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14523246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryneisaterriblefan/pseuds/ryneisaterriblefan
Summary: Damaged, broken, paranoid, alone.He thought he could be happy.





	my ghost (where'd you go?)

**Author's Note:**

> *drops this on the ground and runs away*

_‘I’m cold.’_

_He rolls his eyes and hands him a jacket._

_‘Thanks.’_

_‘You haven’t been sleeping.’_

_Silence. He shrugs_

_‘No, I haven’t.’_

_Shuffle._

_Folds his jacket, puts it on his lap._

_‘Come here.’_

_Hesitation?_

_Reluctance?_

_‘Okay.’_

_‘Why?’ Why? Why. Why –_

_‘King.’_

_King? King. King, king, king. King king king. Kingkingking –_

_‘I’m staying for practice.’_

_Stops_

_‘That’s all you do nowadays.’ Whisper._

_Practicepracticepractice –_

_‘I need to get better.’_

_A small nod._

_Gone._

_Hit._

_Miss._

_Hit. Miss. Hit, miss. HItmisshitmisshitmiss –_

_‘Jump higher! Run faster!’_

_Frowns. (Cold.)_

_‘Tyrant.’ Whisper._

_Scoff. ‘Nothing better than a dictator.’_

_‘We’re better off without him.’_

_arcs_

_ball                        then_

_the                                            it_

_falls_

_down._

_(There’s no one there.)_

_Heart. Break?_

_Shard of glass – piercing through his heart._

_Why – isn’t he feeling anything?_

_‘We’re going to Aoba Johsai.’_

_‘Don’t come with us.’_

_No. No? No. No? Yes? Yes? Yes._

_(Still cold.)_

_Warm?_

_Bright._

_Argument – what?_

_Receive, pass. Receive, pass. Receive, pass._

_‘If it isn’t the king.’_

_Don’t_

_‘Don’t call me that.’_

_A smirk._

_‘So it’s true.’_

_No it isn’t you don’t know anything just leave me alone I don’t need anything –_

_Wakes. Heart pounding. What?_

_He looks around._

_Nightmare._

_He can’t sleep._

**_He runs._ **

**_‘Toss to me!’_ **

_Warm. Bright. Happy?_

_No._

_Too good for someone like him._

_Spike._

_Toss_

_Happy._

_(Colder.)_

_Serve. Receive. Toss. Spike._

_Serve, receive, toss, spike._

_Serve receive toss spike._

_Servereceivetossspike –_

_‘Why does It matter?’_

_Stare._

_‘You toss just fine to me.’_

_Confused?_

_No_

_Bewildered._

_Why would someone keep on trusting him?_

_‘He spiked that with his eyes closed!’_

_How could you?_

_Bright eyes, bright soul._

_Like a moth to flame_

_He’s going to burn._

_He can think about it later._

_Silence_

_‘Don’t apologize.’_

_Okay._

_‘I won’t either.’_

_Okay._

_‘I won’t lose to you again.’_

_A measured step – a movement too calculated to be natural._

_‘We won’t lose either.’_

_‘He said we.’_

_Rushes._

_Flashes – loss, victory, sad, happy._

_Teammates._

_Spending time together._

_He’s happy._

**_Warm._ **

_No._

_No_

_No no no no no no no no_

_Nonononononononononono_

_~~Why?~~ _

_Flashes. Red lights._

_Shouting. Screaming._

_Confusion._

_Blood. So much blood._

_He can’t think straight. Tears blurring his vision, pushing himself through the crowd._

_Screaming himself hoarse._

_Nobody notices._

_~~Nobody ever does.~~ _

_Waiting, with fervor. Pacing_

_relentlessly._

_Sleepless nights._

_Holding his hand, waiting for the warmth_

_to return._

_Just a little._

_Alarms._

_Blaring_

_He can’t think._

_Too close – he’s too close to what he wants – he can’t have it ripped away from him_

_again._

_The pain is too much._

_Gone._

_A light_

_Snuffed out_

_Too suddenly_

_(freezing)_

_Days pass._

_It’s lonely._

_Cold._

_It rains._

_He goes and comes back, like a robot, like a ghost_

_Barely there_

_He can’t feel_

_So he finds a way_

_metal against skin_

_s l a s h I n g_

_open_

_old wounds_

_new scars_

_‘Are you okay? What happened to your arm?’_

_‘I tried to pet a cat.’_

_‘Are you okay?’_

_No_

_I want to scream_

_I’m drowning_

_~~I want to kill myself~~_

_‘Just a bit tired.’_

_‘Hey.’_

_‘what do you want?’_

_Wordlessly_

_Hands him a jacket_

_And walks away_

_The pain_

_Isn’t enough to sustain_

_To keep the monsters_

_In his heart_

_At bay_

_Moves on from arms_

_To legs,_

_Thighs,_

_Chest_

_(not enough to kill,_

_Just enough to hurt)_

_I’m not suicidal_

_Just – if I crossed the street and a car was coming at me –_

_I don’t think I would move out of the way._

_blood spilling over shaky fingers_

_s i l v e r a g a I n s t r e d_

_~~it’s beautiful~~ _

_reality becomes warped_

_slow sluggish_

_feels like he’s living in a dream_

_no –_

_not a dream_

_a nightmare_

_he can’t wake up_

_he just wants to stop_

_start over_

_but it’s_

_not easy_

_try_

_and fail_

_try_

_fail_

_never-ending cycle_

_decides_

_makes a choice_

_says goodbye_

_takes a blade_

_and ends his life_

_(he’s finally warm again.)_

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to shout at me @ryneisaterriblefan on tumblr


End file.
